Wednesday, September 16, 2009
I told this all to my best friend.
"and now the only reason people buy them is to wreck them" she said.
And now i can't bear to tear them apart.
And now i want to go back and buy more.
And now i think about the fact that when i die the music i treasure so much will proabaly be thrown out by kids who don't give a fuck about vinyl.
And it makes me want to save these people's treasures
And maybe one day someone will do the same for me.
And now i wonder why
And now i know why, it's because i am endlessly drawn to anything or anyone that contains an unknown history.
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Wednesday, September 2, 2009
today when i got home home after a really long frustrating day there were two packages waiting for me! My brian fallon/chuck ragan split (finally!) and the alkaline trio/hot water music picture 10" were in one, yayyy!!!!!! The second was this crazily amazing package of zines from Luke You. I swear this man is a sneaky zine ninja, I have no idea of his address, how he got mine or how he even got his hands on a copy of my zine(Sticky I'm guessing!), but there was a little note in the package saying thankyou for the mention of his zine in Stay Gold, and then there were a bunch of amazing issues of You.
Best thing ever to come home to.
Tuesday, September 1, 2009
Wednesday, August 26, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
I think everybody has this one period in their life between teenage and adulthood where you freak out and realise that you have absolutely no idea what is supposed to happen next. Mine came in 2007.
I think once you get over it you've grown and whether you like it or not, you know yourself better than you ever could when you were blissfully oblivious - you know that you are both internally resilient and crushingly fragile at the same time, and you know that there's nothing wrong with that.
It means you're human.
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Where the Wild Thing are comes out soon and I'm pretty freakin syked, not only is this one of my favourite children's picture books ever but the screenplay was written by Dave Eggers, my second favourite author ever. Looks like a bit of a hit or miss though...
think I'll cry if it's not good.
Thursday, August 13, 2009
Let the collecting commence!
(P.S. Yes I'm a freak who enjoys making lists, analysing children's literature and, of course, collecting.)
Wednesday, August 5, 2009
Still fricking syked!
Hurry up September 22nd
Saturday, August 1, 2009
So I’ve just started my second semester of Uni and it’s mainly made up of core courses that pretty much contain ‘how to write a resume’ and ‘what is globalisation?’ but my sub-major is Children’s Literature, and although I have no idea where It’s going (my course doesn’t exactly tie in) I’ve really been enjoying it. I’m now contemplating switching to an education course and maybe one day becoming a Children’s Librarian.
Uni isn’t really what I expected it to be, the work can be hard but fulfilling and my campus is fine, but I guess I thought the people would be more open-minded, mature and creative. It’s still so much better than highschool but my point is that no matter where you go there are always the popular kids who wear way too much bronzer, only care about planning their weekend and have their parents pay their way through an education they do not care the slightest about. For example, there’s this goth girl in one of my lectures who finds it imperative to wear a headband with cat ears attached every single day. I admit she is pretty fricking weird but If she’s not annoying you, or even talking to you, then there’s no fucking reason to snigger loud enough for her to audibly hear when she stands up to talk in-front of the class.Ok so that kinda turned into a negative rant but my point is that I’ve finally realised there’s nowhere in public where you can escape these kinds of ass-holes, not even if it’s supposedly the most open-minded, creative institution in the world. There will always be those types of mainstream, beauty-obsessed people, and the sooner you tune them out the more peaceful and meaningful your life will be.
Sunday, July 19, 2009
Even though it's gone fast I'm glad that I'm over doing nothing and keen to get back to Uni.
I also do not lament my decision to stay jobless because I'd rather be poor than anxious.
This weekend I finished reading Looking for Alaska, my 3rd John Green novel in as many weeks and definitely my favourite. The novel is about a 16 year old boy named Miles (ironically nicknamed Pudge due to his lankiness) who is sick of the simple, safe life he leads and is obsessed with famous last words. After reading the poet Francois Rabelais' dying declaration 'I go to seek a Great Perhaps' Miles decides that he doesn't want to wait until he dies to start seeking his Great Perhaps, so he does something completely out of his comfort zone and enrols in an out-of-state boarding school - away from everyone and everything he knew before. It's at Culver Creek that Pudge makes the best friends he has ever known and falls in love with a girl named Alaska Young.
About halfway through the book's tone completely changes as Alaska tragically dies in a drunk-driving car crash. The second half of the novel deals with Pudge's guilt, his love and his struggle to continue his way through the labyrinth without her.
There is a lot of brilliant writing and a lot of famous last words in this book. Here are some of my favourite quotes:
"...I jogged afterhim, trailing in his wake. I wanted to be one of those people who have streaks to maintain, who scorch the ground with their intensity. But for now, at least I knew such people, and they needed me, just like comets need tails "
"You've got a lifetime to mull over the Buddhist understanding of interconnectedness." He spoke every sentence as if he'd written it down, memorised it and was now reciting it. "But while you were looking out the window, you missed the chance to explore the equally interesting Buddhist belief in being present for every facet of your daily life, of being truly present. Be present in this class. And then, when it's over, be present out there," he said nodding toward the lake and beyond.
“How will I ever get out of this labyrinth?” (Simon Bolivar)
"Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia"
"You spend your whole lif stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining the future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present. "
"For she had embodied the Great Perhaps - she had proved to me that it was worth it to leave behind my minor life for grander maybes."
"Everything that comes together falls apart"
"When you stopped wishing things wouldn't fall apart, you'd stop suffering when they did."
"It always shocked me when I realised that I wasn't the only person in the world who thought and felt such strange and awful things."
"...we had to forgive to survive in the labyrinth."
"I thought for a long time that the way out of the labyrinth was to pretend that it did not exist, to build a small self-sufficient world in a back corner of the endless maze and to pretend that I was not lost, but home. But that only led to a lonely life accompanied by the last words of the already-dead, so I came here looking for a Great Perhaps, for real friends and a more-than-minor life."
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
It has also been decided (by me) that I will start a perzine called 'The Second Side' as homage to the brilliant novel that is the Perks of Being a Wallflower; the cover will have a polaroid picture of a cassette tape, i can see it perfectly in my head. Now I just have to think of something to put inside the zine. Gahhhh.
It has also been decided that I desperately need an Olivetti 32 typewriter in baby blue and a Polaroid 600 Camera. I've therefore been scouring Etsy for the past 3 days and am sure to spend all of my tax money before I even get near Melbourne.
It has been decided, too, that I will get one of these for my best friend's 20th birthday and it will be the most epic gift in the history of our friendship:
... or I could get a PedEgg and she'd probably be just as happy!
Monday, July 13, 2009
One of the saddest poems I've ever read from one of the most inspiring books I've ever read:
Once on a yellow piece of paper with green lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Chops"
because that was the name of his dog
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and a gold star
And his mother hung it on the kitchen door
and read it to his aunts
That was the year that Father Tracy
took all the kids to the zoo
And he let them sing on the bus
And his little sister was born
with tiny toenails and no hair
And his mother and father kissed a lot
And the girl around the corner sent him a
valentine signed with a row of X's
and he had to ask his father what the X's meant
And his father always tucked him in bed at night
And was always there to do it
Once on a piece of white paper with blue lines
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Autumn"
because that was the name of the season
And that's what it was all about
And his teacher gave him an A
and asked him to write more clearly
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because of its new paint
And the kids told him
that Father Tracy smoked cigars
And left butts on the pews
And sometimes they would burn holes
That was the year his sister got glasses
with thick lenses and black frames
And the girl around the corner laughed
when he asked her to go see Santa Claus
And the kids told him why
his mother and father kissed a lot
And his father never tucked him in bed at night
And his father got mad
when he cried for him to do it.
Once on a paper torn from his notebook
he wrote a poem
And he called it "Innocence: A Question"
because that was the question about his girl
And that's what it was all about
And his professor gave him an A
and a strange steady look
And his mother never hung it on the kitchen door
because he never showed her
That was the year that Father Tracy died
And he forgot how the end
of the Apostle's Creed went
And he caught his sister making out on the back porch
And his mother and father never kissed
or even talked
And the girl around the corner
wore too much makeup
That made him cough when he kissed her
but he kissed her anyway
because that was the thing to do
And at three A.M. he tucked himself into bed
his father snoring soundly
That's why on the back of a brown paper bag
he tried another poem
And he called it "Absolutely Nothing"
Because that's what it was really all about
And he gave himself an A
and a slash on each damned wrist
And he hung it on the bathroom door
because this time he didn't think
he could reach the kitchen.
Monday, July 6, 2009
The book was good, not awesome, but 'Looking for Alaska' the main one by Green that I wanted to read wasn't in anywhere, so hopefully I'm saving the best for last. An Abundance of Katherines did have some really awesome themes though. The main character Colin is a washed-up child prodigy who has just graduated, has a penchant for anagramming and only dates girls named Katherine. He kinda feels like his life is a waste because he's 17 and not a genius yet; he's so wrapped up in trying to create something that will be remembered that he kinda forgets just to live. So when Katherine #19 breaks up with him, his best friend Hassan takes him on a road trip and they end up in this little run-down country town where they work for a while & make friends with the locals. In the end Colin has a 'Eureka' moment which isn't a theorem that will win him a Nobel prize, but is the fact that the future is infinite and unknowable and beautiful, and no amount of fame or genius can be remembered forever.
he also fall in love with a girl who is not named Katherine.
Here's some quotes from the novel that really stood out to me:
'He missed that, too, and it hadn't even happened. He missed his imagined future. You can love someone so much, he thought. But you can never love people as much as you can miss them.'
'I was thinking about your mattering business. I feel like, like, how you matter is defined by the things that matter to you. You matter as much as the things that matter to you do. And I got so backwards, trying to make myself matter to him. All this time there were real things to care about: real, good people who care about me, and this place. It's so easy to get stuck. You just get caught in being something, being special or cool or whatever, to the point where you don't even know why you need it; you just think you do.'
'I don't think you can ever fill the empty space with the thing you lost...I don't think your missing pieces ever fit inside you again once they go missing.'
'Colin's skin was alive with with the feeling of connection to everyone in that car and everyone not in it. And he was feeling not-unique in the very best possible way.'
Friday, July 3, 2009
I've had this huge lump on my gum for about a week and my tooth's been bleeding when I brush it so my mum booked me in for a dentist appointment, because it was short notice I couldn't get in with my regular delightful dentist Dr. Bob, so I had to see this huge Russian dude instead, nickname: Frankenstein. Turns out I have a massive hole in said tooth and the root is infected which is why my gum is sore, then they figure out that the tooth is one of my 3 leftover baby teeth (that for some reason never grew adult replacements) and it should've finished it's job about 10 years ago hence the fact that it is disintegrating and already has a massive filling. (note: none of this is due to my oral health, I pride myself on impeccable dental hygiene.) Long story short, they either pull the tooth and I end up looking like Stephanie Kaye from Degrassi
or i get a super expensive/painful root canal. But for now something had to be done. Frankenstein decided to drill a hole into the tooth, inject some antibiotics & then give me a filling until next week when we "discuss the further options." Easy, I think, I've had like a million fillings before but it wasn't until they were injecting me with the FIRST needle that I realised all my other fillings were at my children's dentist Dr. Verco where they gave you lovely happy gas through a clown-nose-shaped machine. Gahhh. So they injected me with two numbing needles because I would still feel it when he put in the medicine, which was all good and well until I couldn't feel the whole left side of my face, I literally looked like Peter Griffin when he has a stroke, and I dribbled down the front of my shirt trying to drink a bottle of water in the Colonnades food-court.
I could live through all of this until I went into Angus and Robertson to find the John Green book I've been after. That would at least be one good thing, I figured. So when I couldn't find it in the fiction section and the lady asked me if I needed help I said 'yes please, do you have any books by John Green?' It was about then that she pointed to the teenage shelf and gave me a look that said: 'wow this partially paralyzed chick is trying to find a kids book - definitely a retard!'
And that was the icing on the cake of my day.
...but I did find the book!
End of rant.
Thursday, July 2, 2009
So all my creative energy lately has been going into the second issue of my zine 'Stay Gold', ( I know, the title is a blatant Outsiders reference but I was crazy obsessed with that book at the time) I'll probably upload some pics once I've finished the layouts. So far I've finished 3 band interviews and my intro page but I'm not sure what to put on the cover... I'm also stumped for rants, because this blog has been my outlet for anything column-ish I would usually write, maybe I'll recycle some older posts? Apart from that I'm waiting on an interview I'm getting back from the band tonight (or i guess tomorrow morning is 'tonight' in Europe?) and have one other layout to do for a reprint. I'm not doing any reviews because they're just silly and no one wants to know my opinion on music anyway, I'll have lists of stuff to check out instead. And then I'll be done! I'm gonna make this zine free again too 'cause I can scab photocopying & stamps from my mums work hehe.
Aside from working on the zine I've been sitting around the house in my pyjamas posting random twitter updates, watching Degrassi and playing Sims 3 (made an epic Grim Reaper family...god I'm bored!) I've also been living socially through my best friend, getting her to tell me funny crap that happens at work and visit me every morning to watch repeats of Dr. Phil. I'm literally turning into a crazy cat lady without the cat part.
I've also been trying to find a novel that is as inspiring as The Perks of Being a Wallflower and written with the same type of audience in mind. So far I've been unsuccessful but I'm making a library trip tomorrow and hopefully will find this book by John Green that I've wanted to read for a while.
On that note I'll wrap things up with a quote from my favourite writer (I collect quotes that inspire me incase you haven't noticed! I also have a habit of giving posts the names of books when there are no references in the post at all to that particular literary work. My bad.)
"... boredom, disgust, the monotony of time, the turbidity of events, sank into a vague background before which glittering cobwebs formed. Things became reconciled to themselves, things lay quietly on their shelves; the troubles of the day arranged themselves in trim formation and at his curt wish of dismissal, marched off and disappeared. And with the departure of worry came brilliant permeating symbolism."
Wednesday, June 24, 2009
So, this happened in my PCC1 tutorial where there was this girl who was super sweet and friendly, but she had a habit of making a fool out of herself in front of the entire class. The particular scenario goes like this:
Lecturer: "Ok for this weeks homework i want you guys to download and read a poem from the Lingua Franca website"
Girl: "hey isn't that the chick who sings r.e.s.p.e.c.t?!"
Random "No that would be Aretha Franklin"
That memory then jogged another forgotten funny moment from year 12 Psychology class:
Mrs Toogood: "Ok does anyone know who Sigmund Freud was?"
Boy: "Isn't that one of the dudes with the tigers?!"
Random: "No that would be Sigfried and Roy"
You don't realise how much you create fun from nothing when you're trapped at school all day, everyday, plagued with extreme boredom but surrounded by the best friends you'll ever have. Those types of moments are hard to recreate the older that you get, but here are a few that have happened this year. I doubt if anyone but my best friends will remember all of these:
"I can speak Spanish...Porqeno los dos?"
"Oh my a-god"
"Shit!" (Back to the future 3)
"One day my hands will stay that way Alex, will you still love me then?!" (this moment even went on to have a song written about it haha)
"that's for my son"
"Oh, they're like the most christian band ever" "...more christian than Hometime?!"
"Y'all laughed at me, y'all laughed at me!"
"...pass to Mark" "You cannot pass!"
"I sense some pain behind those eyes"
"I'll have a coke"
""Where's my family...give me back my family" (Harrison Ford)
"Don't you guys know a love heart when you see one?" "Nicole that's a smiley face"(ah, Jason Mraz on the way to Mannum)
"Oh how about this one" " he's not two" "uh... pretty sure he is"
'Shirlena?!' *In most hick voice possible*
"How do you like that beanie action?" "...The beanie doesn't work miracles"
"I don't mean to alarm you but there's a spider above your head. don't panic though it's like really really small" "........AHHHHHHHHHHHHH" "oh it's ok i'll get it, i'll get it" "AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
"cool whered you get it?" "Ebay" *in transformers voice*
"He's just had a baby" "Oh so he was the guy on the news?"
'Mary Kane Jelly'
ahhh good times with great people.
Monday, June 22, 2009
Gone are the days when I could pick her up, when I would give her my eggs at easter and when she could sit on a step playing with her ken doll for hours at a time with tangled hair and not a care in the world.
But she's still my favourite person
Happy Birthday B.K.
we're growing up much faster than expected
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
Then I fell in love with The Little Prince, the story of a young boy who lives on another planet with his Rose and decides to explore the solar system. This is possibly my favourite children's picture book ever. It was written by Antoine De Saint Exupery in the year 1943 and is translated from French. I think this is possibly one of the most beautiful love stories I've ever read, even though it's between a little boy and a flower.
"Of course I love you," the flower said to him. "It is my fault that you have not known it all the while. That is of no importance. But you, you have been just as foolish as I. Try to be happy... let the glass globe be. I don't want it any more."
'But what about the wind?'
"My cold is not as bad as all that...the cool night air will do me good. I am a flower."
'But what about insects?'
"I'll simply have to put up with two or three caterpillars if i want to meet some butterflies. I have heard that they are very beautiful. Otherwise, who will visit me? You will be far away. As for wild animals I am not afraid of them. I have my claws."
And she innocently showed her four thorns. Then she added:
"Don't hang about like that, it's irritating. You've decided to go. Now go!"
For she did not want him to see her tears. She was such a haughty flower...
And this year through my children's literature course i've discovered the works of Western Australian artist Shaun Tan. His picture book about depression and hope, The Red Tree, is absolutely magnificent.
'Sometimes the day begins with nothing to look forward to.'
'wonderful things are passing you by'
'and the day seems to end the way it began.
But suddenly there it is right in front of you
bright and vivid quietly waiting'
'just as you imagined it would be.'
The art in this book is painstakingly detailed and every time I read it I pick up something little that I previously missed, like the lock to the window on the 'wonderful things are passing you by' page has 'regret' engraved on it.
There's also a small red leaf visible on every page of the book that symbolises the protagonist's hope.
I guess I didn't think I learned anything this semester in children's literature but i learned to appreciate how much work goes into just one page. I think I've always wanted to be an author, ever since I made my first pop-up zoo book from magazine clippings when i was bored one day, or when my mum bought me a typewriter for my eigth birthday. But I never really considered children's literature to be a true art form...until now.
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
Sometimes I get really really attached to a book and I don't know why but it stays in my list of favourites for a long time. Like for a while I was obsessed with My Friend Leonard, the second book to James Frey's A Million Little Pieces. After I read the books James Frey was in that huge Oprah scandal because A Million Little Pieces was marketed as a memoir and Oprah put her special bookclub seal of approval on it, but then it was revealed that he only spent hours in jail and his girlfriend didn't hang herself she actually slit her wrists and some other crap. I guess people felt cheated that they bought into this being his life story when in fact he was writing about the person he imagined himself to be. But I didn't care, I still liked the book as a work of fiction as much as I did when it was labelled a biography because there was this one line near the beginning of My Friend Leonard where he says:
'No matter how bad or difficult life becomes , if you hold on, hold on to whatever it is you need to hold on to, be it religion, friends, a suport group, a set of steps or your own heart, if you hold on, just hold on, life will get better.'
And there was someting about this line that i needed to hear at that time in my adolescence. I though it was beautifully, tragically poetic. And i guess it didn't matter if it happened in someone's real life or not because it was there. And in that moment i knew that atleast one person had been more messed up than i was and they'd made it through. So that's why that bookwas in my top 5 for about four years, but now i think it's been knocked off the list by The Perks of Being a Wallflower!
Monday, June 15, 2009
Well that is how i feel about this bookI thought i made up what i just wrote but i guess i subconsciously stole it from Mark Oliver Everett:
'Life is so full of unpredictable beauty and strange surprises. Sometimes the beauty is too much for me to handle. Do you know that feeling? when something is just too beautiful? When someone says something or writes something or plays something that moves you to the point of tears, maybe even changes you.'
So anyway this book is amazing it just makes so much sense, F.Scott Fitzgerald once wrote that this is part of the beauty of all literature. You discover that your longings are universal longings, that you're not lonely and isolated from anyone. You belong.
I know all i've been doing is recycling other peoples words in this post, but when i read a book like this i know exactly what he means.
My favourite part so far in The Perks of Being a Wallflower is when Charlie is talking about how in old photographs your parents always look very rugged and young and always seem a lot happier than you are.
"I look at the field, and I think about the boy who just made the touchdown. I think that these are the glory days for that boy, and this moment will just be another story someday because all the people who make touchdowns and home runs will become somebody's dad. And when his children look at his yearbook photograph, they will think that their dad was rugged and handsome and looked a lot happier than they are. I just hope I remember to tell my kids that they are as happy as I look in my old photographs.And I hope that they believe me."
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Today i looked through all the boxes under my bed and got out all my journals from ther age of 13 onward, the ones before that are either lost or indecipherable. Here they areSome of the old entries are very, very cringeworthy and some still make me sad to think that i was ever that upset. But writing has always been my favourite thing in the world to do, and i never want to forget that. And if it means never throwing out old diaries from the days when Blink182 was my favourite band and i wrote in txt abbreviations, then i will save them forever.
I remember i used to hide my diaries in the gap between the last drawer in my dresser and the floor so that my parents would never see them, but now i keep my journal on hand. Sure it's still private but i think if i died i'd want my friends to eventually read through my old journals Anne Frank-style. Not that i'm comparing myself to Anne Frank in any way, I've never had anything terrible happen to me, but in the fact that her father went back and read through her diary and finally understood what was going through her head. I have no idea what this post is about. Sorry. I guess i was trying to get to the point that i love to write but i still have no idea what i want to do with my life. I'd love to become a children's author but i understand the very slim chance of that ever happening. I no longer want to study journalism because i know i couldn't take the pressure. I'm starting to lean toward becoming a teacher or children's librarian, but at the moment i'm just wondering through here seeing what happens. I guess i don't know what kind of person i am yet. And this year i've finally realised that's ok.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Looking at it now the name i picked seems pretty emo so I'll explain it. Y'know in Garden State when Large says to the dude who's guarding the gorge thingy 'good luck discovering the infinite abyss' and then he says 'hey...you too'? well that's possibly my favourite part of the movie, and the infinite abyss is a metaphor for life.
So for future reference 'this infinte abyss' represents the series of events that is my life.