6 days

and now

so i bought these old records for 50cents each and i was syked on turning them into bowls and vases on the holidays, and the sleeves into scrapbooks and cards. But then i really looked at them; the scratches from playing over the years, the grooves where you can tell one song was more loved than others, the coffee stains and jagged corners. And it made me sad because because someone once loved this music so much and now they're probably gone, and all that's left of the soundtrack to their life is a bunch of outdated records that sit in a bin at the back of a store, on sale for less than the price of a stamp.
I told this all to my best friend.
"and now the only reason people buy them is to wreck them" she said.
And now i can't bear to tear them apart.
And now i want to go back and buy more.
And now i think about the fact that when i die the music i treasure so much will proabaly be thrown out by kids who don't give a fuck about vinyl.
And it makes me want to save these people's treasures
And maybe one day someone will do the same for me.
And now i wonder why
And now i know why, it's because i am endlessly drawn to anything or anyone that contains an unknown history.

Aging freaks me out

You'd be inclined to think this picture was of me in year 8 right?

nope, its my mum circa 1974.
Crazy.

the perks of being a zine writer

today when i got home home after a really long frustrating day there were two packages waiting for me! My brian fallon/chuck ragan split (finally!) and the alkaline trio/hot water music picture 10" were in one, yayyy!!!!!! The second was this crazily amazing package of zines from Luke You. I swear this man is a sneaky zine ninja, I have no idea of his address, how he got mine or how he even got his hands on a copy of my zine(Sticky I'm guessing!), but there was a little note in the package saying thankyou for the mention of his zine in Stay Gold, and then there were a bunch of amazing issues of You.
Best thing ever to come home to.

"How nice -

to feel nothing, and still get full credit for being alive"

I have never believed in god

but when I was little and got Deja Vu i used to think that we all simultaneously lived out our one lifetime on a loop and that's why things i had never seen were so damn familiar.

istilloverthinkeverything

I accept that it is an internal struggle between who you are and who you want to be. I feel like I have dealt really well with the change I have been through this year and I haven't flipped out in ages. Some things make you remember how easily you can slip back into that void, and although I have been over it for so long there's still that heightened awareness that you could be standing perilously close to the edge and not even know it.
I think everybody has this one period in their life between teenage and adulthood where you freak out and realise that you have absolutely no idea what is supposed to happen next. Mine came in 2007.
I think once you get over it you've grown and whether you like it or not, you know yourself better than you ever could when you were blissfully oblivious - you know that you are both internally resilient and crushingly fragile at the same time, and you know that there's nothing wrong with that.
It means you're human.